In the Panic

I woke up in sort of a panic this morning.  There is a situation before me right now that is complex, unclear, and at times terrifying.  As I was journaling yesterday, I just kept writing, "I have no clue, God.  I have no clue."  (Please don't start worrying about me - it's not about me, my family, or my health...it's a situation with a friend...)  I vacillate every hour between "I trust you, God" and "I need to fix this".  I want to control this situation.  I want to understand.  I want to know how it all works out.  And I can't.  And I'm frustrated.  And I'm anxious and upset and will give myself an ulcer if I don't settle this in my heart.

This morning God reminded me of a verse.  "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."  (Exodus 14:14) I found this verse while on a missions trip to Mexico.  I was 20 years young, trying to find my way in the world, trying to figure out what I believed about my faith and God and how I fit into all of it.  A friend jotted the reference down on a scrap of paper and left it on my pillow.  That verse became my mantra throughout that trip and many of my college years.  I began to understand that I'll never have it all figured out - that's a battle that's not mine to fight - just. be. still.

What does it mean to be still?  I know it doesn't mean to sit back and do nothing.  To crawl under the covers and hide.  To hole up in your safety zone and pretend nothing is happening.  Be still: Stop fretting and worrying and planning and prying and controlling and grasping.  Be still: The Lord will fight for you.  You can trust Him.  Be still: "My Peace I give to you; I do not give as the world gives." (John 14:27)  Be still:  Settle down, Katie.  God's got your back.

Oh God, keep reminding me of this when I forget.  (like every 5 seconds)  I trust you, God.  Let me rest in that and be still.