That's bronzing powder. All over my bathroom. The toilet, a mug, the scale, and the rug outside the door were covered. And he stuffed a bunch of paper in the toilet. Oh, and he covered his face in red lipstick.
I was angry. And I yelled. And the ironic thing is that just an hour earlier, during family devotions, we all read this verse together: But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. (Colossians 3:8) We talked about what happens when we get angry. We talked about rage - that it is uncontrolled anger. We discussed that when we feel ourselves getting angry we need to get up and walk away from the situation and ask God for help so that we do not sin.
Just last night Jonas was pestering Sophia and she got angry and in her impulsiveness she pushed him. So this morning we debriefed that again and we reminded her to walk away when she feels angry, so that she doesn't make a decision she regrets.
And the very next morning God shows me my own sin. That I am no different. In a bigger body, but with the same emotions that lead to sin. I saw that what I am asking my kids to do is really hard. And I'm realizing that they, and I, are so lost without His grace.
God brought this verse to mind as I was thinking about all this: "Where sin increased, grace increased all the more..." Romans 5:21
Sin breeds darkness, ugliness, and pain. It blinds and breaks. It destroys, kills, maims.
And in the middle of death, God provided life. Abundant life. Forever life. For eternity, yes, but also for the here and now. Sin no longer binds and holds captive when we discover the One who has already freed us. At the moment of belief we are raised with Christ (Colossians 3:1). Amazing grace.
But in the moment that is not what I am thinking about. I struggle, just like a child pushing to get her own way. My sin increases.
I keep asking God - what do you want me to learn from this? First Eva - three years of Eva, and now I'm looking at another three years of Jonas - constantly destroying, constantly into something. Me always frustrated and cleaning up a mess and never able to let my guard down.
Maybe it's more than just patience that He's growing in me. Maybe these are real life, flesh and blood object lessons of myself. How I am constantly messing up, constantly sinning, constantly in need of Him. How when my sin increases, He is there, covering my sin with His grace.
God, continue to teach me. Open my heart to learn in these moments of everyday life. Let my children see Your grace through me. Thank you for Amazing Grace.
2 comments:
"Maybe it's more than just patience that He's growing in me. Maybe these are real life, flesh and blood object lessons of myself. How I am constantly messing up, constantly sinning, constantly in need of Him. How when my sin increases, He is there, covering my sin with His grace."
I ABSOLUTELY loved this, Katie. And I completely understand and agree. I am realizing that it isn't object lessons that the Lord is wanting to teach me through being a mother. He is teaching me the choice between life and death. He must increase and I must decrease.
Thanks for sharing - great encouragement!
Real and honest. I totally understand and agree with your thoughts. I often feel that parenting and training my children is really more about changing me than them.
Be encouraged!!! You're not alone in this struggle and more importantly, you're recognizing your sin as it is and seeking the Lord for heart change.
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