12 weeks

Thursday marked my 12th week - so I'm officially into the second trimester now! Hard to believe. Not much of a belly yet, although it sure looks like it in the above picture. I usually don't really look pregnant until after my sixth month.

All the pregnancy books tell you that the rate of miscarriage drops significantly after the twelfth week. So in a way, Thursday was a relief to me. It was also at my 12th week appointment (in 2005) that we found out our second baby hadn't survived, so that is another reason that it was such a milestone to me. Still, it is really difficult for me to just relax and enjoy and accept that everything is going to be okay. My mind travels to all the what-ifs, all those exceptions ... and I start entering dangerous territory - fear, anxiety, doubt. And I tell myself that I cannot set up camp here ... I need to pack that up and cast those burdens down at the feet of the only One who knows what's going to happen. I decided a long time ago, after losing our baby, from that point on, my feet are firmly planted in Trust. Questions may arise, doubts may creep in, but my mind is made up - at the end of the day, I have decided that I am serving a God who can be trusted. No matter what.

I read this in my Bible study this past week, and it really resonated with me. I have been reflecting on it ever since:

"Loyal is not something we suddenly are at the flash-moment of testing. It's something we already were that surfaces in the test. Loyalty, therefore, means that when a sudden temptation poses a character question, if we have true conviction in that area, we do not have to consider how we'll answer it. Loyalty means the question has already been answered. We simply act on it." Beth Moore

The question has been answered; I pray that when called upon to act, I'll have the courage to stand strong. And in the meantime I will just keep praising God for the blessings He has chosen to give me.

Okay, that took a totally different direction than I meant it to!! I was going to give you a quick update! So here it is: I'm feeling much better. My appetite is back and I've gained some of the weight I lost. And slowly my energy is returning. I'm craving cherries and fruit of any kind, really. After an aversion to Italian food for weeks, I'm happy to say I'm eating it again. I think I've had spaghetti or some form of it 3 days out of the past 6! And guess what we're having for dinner tonight - leftover spaghetti!! :) What can I say, I'm Italian!!